Wine, Beer, Techno... and Allah

S.I.Q. series 4

Today signaled a new turning point in my reading of the Quran; I officially reached the half-way point.

I do consider this a small victory of sorts. For one, the passages are only getting shorter as I read on! Which means it should only take me about half as much time to finish it as it took to get this far. (Brilliant idea courtesy of Those Who Edited the Final Version of the Quran). Secondly, upon reaching half-point I had also happened to reach the end of much of my patience and curiosity. Sorry God, but at this point I’ve heard your arguments, counterarguments and proves of existence one too many times.

So, in honour of reaching half-way and in search of a new attitude towards my Quran studies I decided to do two ungodly things while reading:

1.     1.  Down a bottle of wine. Plus a couple beers.

2.     2. Put on loud techno.

It’s not that I had planned for my bible study to turn into a midweek festivity (not that the thought hadn’t already crossed my mind on a couple occaisions…). It just happened that way. First it was the wine with friends. Then, when every one went their separate ways I faced the night with two options: find new friends or spend some good old time with God and Beer. No need to say who won. The music naturally followed.

I suppose I was hoping, sufi-like, that some where in between the beer gulps and musical interludes I would magically see God’s words in a new light. Unfortunately, I guess the Sufi’s were on some different magic potion when they journeyed to God because my journey was nothing mind blowing, nothing world altering, nothing even worth relating. Instead it was sloppy. It was choppy. And, worst of all, it was argumentative in a nit-picky way. (Miz. Have I just described my drunken self?).

Essentially, I found myself approaching The Book with a new attitude of cynicism written all over my disbelieving face (I blame allergies to red wine). In short, I began to do what I had consciously avoided all along: bickering with God.

For example, where God would say:

“And it is God who brought you forth/ from your mothers’ wombs,/ and He appointed for you hearing,/ and sight, and hearts/ that haply so you will be thankful.”

I would reply: “Thankful? Who the hell asked for ANY of that in the first place!?”

Note to reader: I love life. I do. 

And then, when God went on to remind us of the sins of the Jews I kept thinking to myself, God too had it in for them! 

(But in all honesty, I hope to address this point near the end of my study because God seems to disproportionately pick on Jews as compared to Christians—but there may be valid reasons for this).

From phrases to arguments I was unabashedly at odds with God.

Then, when in sura 16 God delivered the word “intoxicant” – for the first time I had seen mention of—I began thinking God was speaking to me in small nuances; That maybe I could be accepted in His world; And that I could accept Him. Here God is saying that He gave us intoxicants for us to (ab)use!
But then a few verses later I was reawakened to the eternal battle at hand when God continued his list of gifted items to humanity. Apparently, women have also been gifted. In fact, everything has been created for man. Cattle. Trees. Water. Kids. Olives. Fruit. Vines. Day. Night. Moon. Sun. Me. Urgh. Lame. Beer 3. Techno up.

But in the end, the thing that got me most in all of my “intoxicated” reading-- because the fact that I was created for the (ab)use of boys is negligible-- was God’s reference to a very biological fluid: sperm.
As He says, “He created man of a sperm-drop…” (16: 5).

No, I’m not a two-year old. I can hold my own in reference to private matters. But it’s just that one sura before, God said this:

“We created man of a clay/ of mud moulded…” (15: 25).

I guess if there is anything to learn from my intoxicated study of The Book it’s that interpretation really matters. Some may read The Book literally, and those we may call various degrees of fundamentalists. They take what they see at face value. Others are more liberal in their study, searching for so-called metaphorical nuances of God’s message.

If I were to classify myself, of yet I have tried to be somewhere in between a literalist and metaphorical-ist(?). Tonight, however, I am throwing out all “ists”. I can’t be bothered to place myself on a line-- let alone walk one straight. I saw what I saw. And I can't rectify it, metaphorically or literally. We are made of mud. And. Or, sperm-drops.

I’ll leave the rest to you.

Good night! (God, not Beer)