Bargaining High

I’m standing in front of a full length mirror. Side profile. One foot shoved awkwardly in 4-inch heels; the other balancing dangerously on tippy-toe trying to catch Up.

“You think?”

“I know.” He says without ever haven taken his eyes off my reflection.

Guys are so easy to read. I knew the minute I slipped on this stiletto he was sold. The black-skirt-with-white-top ensemble from the store before didn’t take much convincing either.

A very particular look passes across their face when they approve. It’s a momentary thing and if you’re not quick enough, you’ll miss it. But the look is definitely there when they blush approvingly of you and yours. It’s as if they are going to say something, but don’t know how to translate Dick into Proper. And then as quickly as the thought came to them it passes into a grin, only to then fade into the folds of their face to be ever-lost to fantasy.

After that, who knows if he still cares about the shoes, the skirt, or the white top I’ve worn to bring out the highlights of my hair. But at least I got his attention. And of course he’ll reassure me once more with a casual nod to the shoes. “I know this is the one.”

(Grin fades to neutral sheep.)

If only jobs and life were as easy to know as boys know the right shoe for you.
To them, as long as it’s got height, it’s right.
To me, even if the job fits into one of my 100 or so odd keywords (such as: “interesting”, “social”, “people”, “travel”, “sun”, “window”, “underwater (?)”) it’s only maybe right. In short, there is a complex combination of keywords that will go into making me satisfied.

I clearly haven’t found it. In retrospect, as I look at myself in a half-length mirror back at home it’s obvious that a man helped pick this outfit; or at least, that it is worn with men in mind.

In two hours, I’ll be one interview down (It’s worth noting because this is my FIRST interview post-graduation). In two.five hours, I’ll be thinking to myself that said-employer offered too much (given what I was worth); and yet too little (given my keyword quota).
In three hours I’ll have an awkward date that will stay pending (did he say lunch, dinner, or never?). And in five hours, I’ll be right here, sitting where I am, thinking what I think: the shoes were too high.

But a girl does what she must. And to find my first keyword combination post-graduation, the look had to be perfect even if it got me what I never bargained for.